3 Ways to Have The Best Day Ever & Why We Need To Get Naked Now

When Your Fortune Cookie Talks to You, You Better Listen-Learning to Love by Loving Yourself First

9/1/2017

ere’s the deal. I have always wanted to be skinny. Always. Ever since I was a little girl, playing with Barbie dolls and watching countless hours of TV, I have yearned to be that skinny, beautiful, perfect, size nothing wearing, float away like a feather, everybody loves her, tiny girl. How that became my goal over being a Neurosurgeon or Veterinarian or, hell, how about, Professional Love Crusader, is what I believe to be a product of too many societal norms, "gendering", and my own lack of self-worth due to aggressive bullying and other circumstances outside of my control, but that is a conversation for another time. The fact is, I had never (sometimes have never, because I'm human and will always be remembering the good) thought I was aesthetically attractive enough. That is the honest truth. This is the kind of longing only some of you will understand. It’s a feeling that couples with painful, hurtful, unloving thoughts. "Why can’t I look like her. Why can’t my body be different. Why do I look like this and she looks like that. I hope I never look like that!"

It’s comparison. It’s separation. It’s how you become a prisoner to your thoughts and in your body. It’s how most of us are living our lives without talking about it. It’s how so many women want to be different than they are. It’s how we desire to be more attractive, have smaller thighs, smaller tummy, bigger boobs, longer legs, insert “not good enough and wish was other” part here. This wanting to be different than we are is robbing us of our joy. It is denying our inherent right to exist freely in our natural state of being. It is denying our beauty. It is denying our right to shine. It is denying our perfection exactly as we are. It is ruining our days and hours and our ability to bask in the special moments we have with others.

For me, it is how I became that unobtainable size 0, dove into Anorexia and Orthorexia and Bulimia, over exercised until my body gave up on me, lost my period for over a year, redeveloped a binge eating disorder, was always sick, lapsed into pneumonia which, due to nutrient lack, took over a year to recover from, had my cognitive abilities deteriorate, became lost in the drive to maintain this identity I was clinging for dear life to, then of course, had a full on breakdown.

I would not, for one second, trade the deep love and ease that exists within me now for being skinny.

Of course the above mentioned is an extreme example of not honoring the magic you are born with, but I want to express that by simply rejecting (any) part of yourself, you are slowly killing your essence and the joy you were born to experience. I know that sounds a little over the top, but think about it for a second. All of the parts of you, the amazing parts, the skilled parts, the jiggly bits, the round and squishy, the funny parts, the sexy parts, the “bad” parts that you hide, the parts that you are ashamed of, the parts you think are F’d up, the beautiful parts, and the parts everybody loves!, they are ALL you. And that is epic and incredible. What a wonder that humans are such complex beings. We should be so lucky! By denying the parts of you that you don’t love, you are slowly destroying the totality of wonder that is YOU.

I have recently made a very scary deal with myself. As those evil, “not good enough” thoughts creep in, I will simply and boldly tell myself, “that Shira is gone.” We (referring to me and the connection I have to the natural world, the universe, my femininity, the trees, LOVE, intuition, humans, etc…) WE don’t do that anymore. Ain’t nobody got time for that! Simple. Scary. Done.

Why is it scary? Let me be the first to say it is petrifying because it requires me to end an identity that I have always clung to. It requires me to release the desperate desire to be something I am not. It means I need to accept and love myself as I am ( F e a r l e s s l y) and honestly. So, I am not skinny. Who fucking cares. I am awesome.
Loving ourselves is not something we learn to do as children. Loving yourself takes slow consistent, compassionate practice and it is effort. It requires me to put myself above my ego, above my unloving desire to fit like a perfect puzzle piece into the nonsense of Patriarchal society; it requires me to release all the ways that I have trained my brain to punish my body since I was just a little girl. This is not an overnight cure. This isn’t a pimple cream promising to zap your zits in 24 hours. This is an ongoing practice of love and acceptance. Loving my whole self is something that needs to happen everyday. I need to be loyal to myself. The cure is to keep going. Even when it feels like the world is falling apart, you keep going. Compassionately. Lovingly.

Society is always changing. Human consciousness is always changing. We are always changing. I have a choice to make now. What kind of life do I want to live and how do I want to leave the world better than how I came into it? What do I want to teach my (future) children? What do I hope the next generation of humans will not have to struggle with everyday, henceforth allowing them to live bigger, better, more fabulously magnificent lives?

When I look deeply and honestly into what I know in my heart to be true, I KNOW that NOBODY (including myself) deserves to suffer. I am. We are. Love. My heart and my wisdom tell me I deserve to treat my inherent perfection with acceptance and full on celebration. My brain will always be tempted to collapse into old patterns and belief systems. My brain will always be scratching that itch of feeling unworthy, not beautiful enough, not thin enough. My brain will be tempted by the social media posts of tips of losing weight, before and after photos, or fucking Shakeology, but I know, because I have traveled into the deepest, darkest places in my soul, that I deserve to exist in love.

I know that depriving myself
IS
NOT
SELF
LOVE.
I know that going to bed hungry
IS
NOT
SELF
LOVE
I know that having anxiety about social situations and being with the people I love because there may or may not be food that fits in the list of foods that will “make me fat”
IS
NOT
SELF
LOVE
I know that thinking any negative thoughts about my body
IS
NOT
SELF
LOVE
I know that comparing my body to another body robs me of my peace and joy and
IS
NOT
SELF
LOVE
I know that trying to fit into my Eating Disorder clothing (which I need to donate to goodwill and have not been courageous enough to yet do so)
IS
NOT
SELF
LOVE
I know that not taking compliments genuinely or questioning the honesty of a compliment
IS
NOT
SELF
LOVE
I know that wishing I was a different size
IS
NOT
SELF
LOVE
I know that looking at photos of myself and feeling shame for my weight, size, mushy parts, or any other dislike in general
IS
NOT
SELF
LOVE
I know that not honoring my heart and souls desire and instead, letting ego run the show
IS
NOT
SELF
LOVE
I know that settling in life
IS
also
NOT
SELF
LOVE
I know that not loving every single freckle, stretch mark, and perfection of imperfection on my body
IS
NOT
SELF
LOVE
I know that wanting to be different than I am
IS
NOT
SELF
LOVE
I know that not feeling deserving of love from another person
IS
NOT
SELF
LOVE
I know that not enjoying my life
IS
NOT
SELF
LOVE

And ain’t nobody got time for that.

It is my commitment to myself and all other human creatures, to continue this journey of BEING self-love. To BEING in a state of integrity. To continue to search for all the ways to heal myself. Because I know in the deepest part of me (we) that in order to be in unified love with the world around me (us), I must, with all my honesty and all my vulnerable truth, love myself first. In doing so, I can also love you and together, we can create change in the world.

Self-Love Is
waking up and taking a deep breath, feeling grateful to be on earth another day
making my morning coffee
snuggling with my cat
compassion
eating with consciousness and love
nourishing
reading empowering books
calling my mom
telling the people I love that I love them
taking time for me
speaking my truth
embracing being alone
sitting in the sun
welcoming in change with open arms
being naked and loving it
being seen naked...and loving it
knowing that every part of me is exactly as it should be
drinking water
saying no to things that don't serve me anymore
honoring my needs
moving my body
sweating
relaxing and doing absolutely nothing
buying clothes that I love no matter what the price
doing yoga
being around the people that fill me with happiness
getting out of my head
dancing
singing
being my weird self unaplogetically

he list goes on and on. I challenge you to write your list. What is self-love for you?

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A Simple Prayer

8/14/2017

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My heart goes out to you if you are in pain. I shed my fair share of tears yesterday and I am sure there are more to come.
My prayer is that all of the people who are suffering experience some ease in their pain. I am not referring to just the victims of violence, but to all people who are suffering. I am praying for everyone, including the people who are doing acts of violence because in order for our society to move in a positive direction, these people need forgiveness and they need recognition of their own pain. We cannot banish them to Mars, hurt them, or lock them all up, so there needs to be another way.

The ones who are acting through violence and hate only see the world through eyes of fear. They are living trapped in a their own delusions, believing that the world is against them and perceiving their security and freedom as being threatened (because it is). The violence and fighting is a reaction to a growing society of love, acceptance, and unification and these things do not go well with hate and fear. This is a matter of living in pain as a lifestyle and culture. I do not believe these are bad people. I believe these are people trapped in delusion and suffering. They are stuck in a mindfuck of extremely old ways of being. They are living in full fear. They are living in survival mode, protecting what they think they must. This is a matter of an inability to see the world through eyes of peace and love and compassion.

Yes, this fucking sucks. It sucks that there are still people who want to hurt other people. It sucks that there are people who do not believe in equality. It sucks that the world can be such a dark and violent place. It’s sick and painful and gut wrenching to think that in 2017, people are still losing their lives over human equality. That is what is happening. What happened in Charlottesville is a result of a culture of people who are currently existing only in survival mode, the world around them is a constant threat to the destruction of their belief system and they are “fighting back” to protect the downfall of what is to eventually come. I am in no way saying this is fine and well. What I am saying is to step back and see that hating and “othering” bring us full circle into hate. Combatting anger and violence with more anger and violence will get us nowhere and will bring us more pain.

We are being called to rise as one people, to think, and to act with love and compassion. I am not saying don’t be angry. BE ANGRY. But also, step back and understand that all human thought and action at its deepest root comes from either love or fear. WE are capable of rising into love and “fighting back” with even more love, compassion, and prayer. You cannot take down a society of people who are unified. We are being called to continue to unify. The world is changing very quickly and some people cannot keep up. They are revolting and they will not succeed. We are becoming more unified with every act of hate. Hate is a toxin and it’s coming up to be cleansed away. We are growing stronger everyday. This is a prayer for everyone who is suffering. May you be able to someday love.

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3 Ways to Have The Best Day Ever & Why We Need To Get Naked Now

8/3/2017

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So, I’ve really been wanting to take my clothes off lately. In my house, in my backyard, in other people's backyards, at the beach, and during yoga, to name a few. “She is cray”, you might be saying to yourself or to your BFF, or to your dog, and though you may be totally correct in assuming so, that doesn’t make me want to take my clothes off any less. Hear me out.

Since I can remember, I have hidden my body. Really. I keep what’s hidden under clothes locked away tightly for not a soul to see. In fact, I am such a mcguyver of skin coverage, that it wasn’t until last year that ANYONE (including my ex-boyfriend and roommate of 5 years) saw me naked. You heard that right, my boyfriend of 5 years was not allotted the pleasure and love of experiencing his girlfriend in her full frontal truth. Like I said, Cover-That-Shit-Up-Master in the house.

I have been hiding my parts since I first sprouted parts! I have been keeping my secrets secret since Middle school! I was determined to hide them FOREVER honestly. I was so adamant about "clothing on" that I even chose my relationships through this route. Who will accept that I will never take my clothes off? He must be “safe” and “accept my flaws." But peeps, the safe guy is not the guy you want. You want the (guy) (human) (lady) Being who makes your whole body tingle when you look at them, who helps you evolve, who makes you feel giddy, and who introduces you to loving you at the level you deserve to be loved...which is unconditionally of course. If I could not love myself unconditionally, then there is no way I would consciously choose another human to.

I digress!

I had never loved my body and therefore had always made the assumption that neither would anyone else. As any right minded person would gather, this is not a logical conclusion. I also hate pasta, but trust me, I do not think you hate pasta. Everyone loves pasta! See what I’m saying?

What I have come to understand, is that when we focus negativity toward something, it grows into more negativity, more pain, more anger, it gets created into something far worse than it ever was to begin with. This is how our brains naturally function. I began to hide my stomach in elementary school when I first started to be harassed for my weight. I noticed then that my stomach protruded forward and looked more like a pregnant belly than the belly of any of the other girls at school. My belly looked even less like the bellies in magazines, on TV, in music videos, or on the half-shirted teenage bared bellies that were so in style in 1995 at the Square One Mall. I did not have the right belly!
What is a right belly anyway? Here, I googled it for you...

“The abdomen contains all the digestive organs, including the stomach, small and large intestines, pancreas, liver, and gallbladder. These organs are held together loosely by connecting tissues (mesentery) that allow them to expand and to slide against each other. The abdomen also contains the kidneys and spleen.” www.webmd.com

So, if your belly has at least some of these organs and is held together by that gross word, I think you’re doing pretty damn well right now.

In all my misguided childhood glory, I started to cover my belly up. I would put something large like a sweater in my lap every time I sat down to hide away my rolls that seemed to stick out through my shirt. I would obsess over it when I was alone. I would pray for liposuction. My belly became my enemy. It became a source of hate and pain. But, the problem was not really my belly. I was my brain. Nothing was wrong with my body. I did not have any illnesses, diseases, or real pain that would have really been worthy of my attention. As time went on, I continued to obsess over my body and all it brought me was more obsession of my body. The more I focused on dislike for what I had, and wished to be thin, the more I would emotionally eat and delve deeper into depression, and the more I ate, the worse I would feel. This was a never ending cycle of pain and shame all because I was obsessing over myself. Where your focus goes, your energy grows. Through all the forms that my eating disorder took, whether I was starving and a tiny xxxs size 0 or overeating and bigger, the experience in my brain was actually the same. I was thinking, no, obsessing, about MY body. What. A Waste. Of. A. Good. Body.

Let’s be real here, our bodies serve a massive purpose and it ain’t to just be lookin’ cute. Our bodies allow us to enjoy life, create, and manifest the things that we need to do while we are on this earth. What could you do if you did not have a body at all? ummm...nothing!

As a society we owe it to ourselves and to each other rise up. We need to start committing to more meaningful and more pleasurable experiences. We are wasting our time being stuck in our heads.

We
Need
To
Get
Naked.

I NEVER thought I would want to be naked so much, but it IS happening and it is so freaking exciting. Feeling excitement to do something outside of my comfort zone is a mystical magical feeling that tops feeling shameful by about a gazillion. I am feeling grateful and lucky to have this body for only a short period of time, so I am going to embrace it and enjoy it while I am here. Someday, some lucky human is going to get to experience all of me and I will joyfully (with some big nerves) get to experience the pleasure that comes with being loved as I am and simply experiencing life as is it meant to be. Here’s to living it up and gettin’ nakey.

3 Tips on How To Get Out the Body Shame Cycle & Have The Best Day Ever

Change your focus. We need to break our unloving patterns. Every time an unloving thought arises, you must not feed it with energy. You are smarter than you think and your brain is mind blowingly malleable! It is all about Neuroplasticity. You CAN change your brain. Start to self-talk with love and positivity. When a negative body thought arises, don’t feed that fire, instead, shift your focus. Change the channel. Self-talk something that feels good to hear. You might say something like, “I am so grateful to be alive and well.” or “I love my beautiful eyes!” Self-talk has to be unique to you and your feelings. It has to make you feel good! Do not be embarrassed to do this. Take it a little less seriously and even get a little silly. Give your ass a good slap and say, "Damnnnnnnn grllllll!"
Write a gratitude List. I find this helpful to do first thing in the morning. Writing a list of things you are grateful for may sound cliche’, but it works. Set aside 5 minutes and just write everything that makes you appreciate your life. It doesn’t have to be poignant or intelligent in any way, it just has to have things on it that make you feel appreciative. It is SO simple and SO easy.
Listen to, read, watch, things that are body (or anything) positive. Part of the struggle of self-acceptance & body love is that we have been conditioned by the world around us to not accept ourselves as we are and to strive for perfection that is not congruent with feeling joyful and happy. Looking at Victoria secret models and yearning for “that” body WILL not help you live a beautiful life. If looking at something makes you feel shitty, then stop cultivating that shitty feeling pattern by shifting what you are looking at. We need to do this as a movement. Together. Here are some options to fill your beautiful brain with life enhancing information.

10 feminist & body positive podcasts- BUSTLE
Body Love Podcast Jessi Haggagerty (I was on this episode!)
She rocks
feel good in your body
The Power of Mindfulness
Insta peeps to follow....
@nourishandeat
@selfloveclubb
@bodypositivememes
@strutbymic
@powerofpositivity

“When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits—anything that kept me small. My judgment called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving,” ~Kim McMillen

Here’s to filling ourselves up with the good stuff.

Shira BrennerAugust 3, 2017Comment